Tired is an understatement, you give your all to everything that is you and still somehow fall short. How is this even possible? Is good not good enough? I have to be this excellent person. I have to be the type of person who doesn’t care and continues to bend over backwards for others. I have to keep putting my feelings and my health aside because I want to make another person feel better. I have sell myself short at the workplace because I can’t see pass the fact that some of the peoples are not smart individuals. All I’ve ever tried to be was me. For some reason, being me isn’t enough and that actually sucks because I’m a great motherfucking person.
- I love hard
- I give credit where credit is dude
- I’m fun/funny
- I am compassionate
- I’m a good listener and advice giver
- I love to motivate
- I know my way WELL around a bedroom
- I always want the best for my peoples
- I can understand that no one is perfect so no judgment from me
- I am smart
- I am beautiful
- I am a chocolate black woman
- I give it my all 100% of the time
- I am a HARD WORKER
- I am creative
- I can’t cook yet but there’s no time like the present to learn
- I love God!!
- I always try my hardest
- I’d never do the things people do me back to them
& that’s just a small list, so why the fuck things keep messing up for me? Simple. I’m all that and I’m also stupid. I showcase all those skills and more to all the wrong people. I showcase all those skills to all the wrong people and not even to myself. I don’t listen to myself, I don’t push myself, I don’t always want the best for myself; I don’t even love myself. I don’t give myself compassion for MY shortcomings, I barely motivate myself, I barely give myself my 100% all, and I judge myself all the time even the harshest. The biggest things on this list is: I never give myself credit. I’ve been through some real fucked up shit, a lot that I haven’t even told anyone about, but here I am putting on this semi-fake show for the social world meanwhile, I’m dying on the inside. Don’t get me wrong the stuff I do say on my post I absolutely mean, I just follow them only when it suits me rather than everyday. If that was truly the case, I wouldn’t have been crying myself to sleep some nights. That fake shit stops now, I won’t apologize for feeling like shit some days and not wanting to socialize. I won’t apologize for putting myself first because that’s what everyone does to me. I won’t apologize for the lack of communication with certain people because I don’t care anymore. I’ve been abused and misused for so long and I’m sick of crying, writing subliminal posts on social media, or simply putting on a fake smile for motherfuckers. It’s my damn life and I’m going to live it. So I’m done putting my focus on men, friends, and the clout. It’s money and health. I’ve been down for so long now and it’s time for change. The tears where there when I started this post and it has dried up now. I’m not sad anymore. I’m mad. MAD FED UP OF THIS POOR EXCUSE OF A LIFE!
Let’s #changethedynamic. ✨