Microphone check one – two, do I have some news for you. Let’s get back into the groove of this blog by hitting you with another post based on facts. ✨
I get a bad rep for my past characteristics but y’all need to stop acting like you didn’t have a role to play. Growing up I was quiet kid, always in my books or glued to my siblings hips because I wanted to fit in with them and their friends. You know a girl just wanted to belong. The years went by and I eventually grew into the woman I am today, but how we got there is surrounded by hilarious, stupid, horrifying, sad, lovely and more stories. Here’s a story about two phones.
Let’s go back in time, 5 years back; 2016. This was the year I ACTUALLY thought I was going to lose my virginity. To someone I THOUGHT might possibly be my forever. How delusional I was. Of course things didn’t work out in the worst way. Finding out you aren’t good enough for someone is like a blow to the chest: not only do you question how they got to that decision but you also second guess yourself after. What did you do? How can you improve? That year I also met someone who would change my mindset forever. Stacks. Just like his name, all he was focused on was stacking. The most fun, wild, and scary time in my life was hanging around this guy. After smoking and drinking the suppressed feelings down… he handed me a flip phone and told me to follow him. After protesting for 2mins, I did.
Welcome to a mindset of a solo artist. You have to be the player and also the developer of the game. Stunt before you get stunted on; he said to me. Keeping two phones enabled him to be able to run a game without any system failures. You would think you are the light of his life on his personal phone meanwhile, his second phone has been pinging off for the past few days with women. Sad, but beneficial. nobody’s gonna know. Unless you slip up and your second phone is compromised then how will anyone know you have one? I see different types of people with this same concept: businessmen, trappers, celebrities, and us regular folks. Sense is sense, whether it’s for a good purpose or bad, having two phone is beneficial. Now you’re wondering how does this pertain to me? Well, I can say this because I no longer have two phones at the moment but I also had two phones once upon a time. Boy did shit go down.
At the time I was truly done with men, I had my time wasted with this guy and I was just like screw this, I’m just gonna do what I want from now on. So your girl signed up on pof, meetme, and tagged; let the games begin. My strategy was to find maximum 10 guys I found at least somewhat interesting and then I was going to delete the app. I found 30 guys (10 from each app) and I distributed them across my snapchat, my second phone, and only 2 out of the 30 made it far enough to receive my actual personal number; deleted the apps. For a long time I never went on a date, always wondered what my first date would be like: what I would wear, where we would go, how I would eat because a chick can’t eat in front of people? Nonetheless, I touching road: we went mini golfing, to amusement parks, bars, restaurants, to the movies, to play pool, bowling, and so much more. Shit was so lit I got so wrapped up in it. Who needs one guy when I can could be doing a different fun thing every weekend with a different guy? Okay I get it, it sound kind of hoe-ish, but believe me when I say, I truly didn’t care. I knew I wasn’t doing anything with these men, so I would rather y’all call me a gold-digger or a free-fun time girl, rather than some hoe. I don’t need to explain myself but I need to explain myself: I never asked no one out, they are the ones who offered so if it was a problem, it was a personal problem. My second phone was HOT! “when are we chilling?” “when can I see you?” “you always with your friends but never make time for me.” “you’re always at a restaurant, who else are you talking to?”
There’s two reasons why they call me “Ghost Queen” : first, it’s because I always leave the situation first and when I do leave, I don’t come back. You can message all you want but it will fall on deaf ears. You no longer exist in my mind. Second, I almost never meet up with people. I will tell you we gonna chill this weekend and a year will pass and we’ve never met yet. Lies upon lies upon lies, I was still a shy person and to be honest, deep down inside I knew I was still looking for love even though I was having fun. It was a selfish time in my life where I just wanted to be wild and free and take everything I was giving back. I was the one spending all the money, I was the one always calling and texting first, I was the one going out of my way to make sure a guy was good, and helping him any way I can. IT’S TIME I GOT TREATED! I put down my second phone and ghosted all but 3 guys out of the 30 when I met my sugar daddy: My Persian delight. There was no need for a second phone at this point because he’s the type that you had to put all your focus in. I ran a flourishing game for a while but I got humbled when after losing contact with my sugar daddy I met a guy that would change one of my friendships for the worst. I then met a guy who I only seen twice in six months and all we did was argue. Followed up by a guy who tried to force me into sexual situations I wasn’t okay with. Only to end up with what I thought was a rough form of prince charming, issue was he had the face of a prince but missed the charming part. To make matters worst, I gave up hope and lost my virginity to a guy who only cared about himself. Then finally, typing all this while on the journey of losing feelings for a guy who does not want a relationship. Boy have I fallen.
There’s no time like the present for a change though…..
karma’s a bad bitch. ✨