It’s crazy because it took me so long to get to a place where I’m just mainly focused on me and my family. I just lost all the cares for anything or anyone else to be truly honest. I’ve always been the one to allow the nonsense because my heart is so big but I just don’t care anymore. It’s been a long time coming, choosing yourself first. Always been know to put others first and it never truly got me anywhere good, just another blow to the heart strings.
You’d think I’d feel a way about certain people no longer being in my life:
- That’s family..
- I thought you guys were mad close/best friends
- Aren’t you god mom to her son?
- Thought that was your twin
- Didn’t you almost love him?
- So it went from everyday to never again?
Couldn’t careless, it simply wasn’t mean to be. The questions roll in daily as more people figure out what’s happening and I answer them all the same: couldn’t careless. I couldn’t careless if I lose all my friends, I couldn’t careless if I never find a boyfriend, I couldn’t careless if people don’t like me, I couldn’t careless if my tone is too much, I couldn’t careless if you think I’m rude, I couldn’t careless if you want me to stop chilling around other men…
I stopped caring about anything that isn’t bringing me closer to the pearly gates, fattening my pockets, or helping my family. I’m not saying people and things currently in my life aren’t of importance; they are, I just couldn’t careless if they leave . I’ve gotten to a point in life where I just wanna be happy and feel happy. It’s one thing to be happy during certain times but I always wanna feel happy, and I’ve never truly been happy; always temporary. Now that my New Years resolution was to cut out the long talking, I’m super blunt now. The constant abuse, assumptions, and being labelled “the bad guy” has desensitized my heart into taking the bullshit people throw at me. One day soon I will be fully over the nonsense and embrace my new found love of life with the people and things that will keep my uplifted and positive. Blessings to you all and I hope one day you will also find the courage to want more for yourself.
We’ll see what’s bout to happen next; like drake said.