Dear Diary

I just don’t care anymore.

It’s crazy how I’m constantly viewed as the bad guy but no one ever stops to see just how nice I am. I’ve let you guys talk down to me and fuck me over countless times but yet still don’t treat anyone as bad as they treat me. Now I ain’t no angel, I’ve messed up in a lot of areas in my life, but who hasn’t? I’ve sat down and listened to people call me crazy for still being cool with people who’ve done some foul shit. I’ve heard people say, “couldn’t be me” more times than I can count because I’ve decided to not be a dick towards someone who’s been a dick to me. My heart is set a certain way, my mother worked hard to instill decorum in her children so that for the most part we know we shouldn’t treat people a certain way. I am loud and rude, I know this: I’ve been working on bettering the way I approach the trials and tribulations of life. I just want to be happy. I want to wake up and not feel like I world is weighing heavy on my chest. I want to wake up and look in the mirror and not be disgusted by what I see. I want to wake up, walk outside, and just be grateful for life. If I continue down the path that I am on right now, I can’t see myself wanting much to do with life. I am not suicidal but at the same time, have you ever just felt like you’re living just to live? Like there’s no specific reason, you just go through each day doing the same routine for the same outcome with no hope that it will get better? That’s me mentally, but that shit has got to stop. This year has truly open my eyes to changes that need to be made in order for me to feel this happiness that I’ve been searching for; it’s time for a change.

So I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what anyone has to say about me. I don’t care about what anyone thinks about me. I don’t care about anyone who has showed me that they can not be counted on. I don’t care for men who want to play games. I don’t care for co-workers who don’t like me. I don’t care for the politics of gossiping. I don’t care for the total disregard of another persons’ feelings. I just don’t care anymore. My main focus is health and wealth. Shout out to me for holding down the fort so long in my life; I am my own best friend. Shout out the people who I’ve now realize are my true friends, I WILL see you guys at the top. Last but never least, although sometimes I want to stay asleep for a week I want to thank to lord for allowing me to wake up and see another day. It’s the little things that matter. #Changethedynamic .

[Bee signed out]

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Beginner Blogger. Starting something new that I’ve been putting off for a while. Canada.

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