This post is shout out to all my experiences; I call the people I interacted on an intimately level “experiences” because I don’t have exs. Besides the guy I touched on before in the story about “puppy love,” no one can claim me as an ex. You were not around long enough or just weren’t interested in taking things further. Nonetheless, thank you. Whether it was a good experience or a bad one, they were all lessons to be learned; chapters to be written in the book of my life.
I learned to stop settling; if they don’t see you for the prize you are then move right along. Stop wasting your time trying to prove your worth, stop doubting your worth, and learn to be comfortable in waiting for the right one to come and sweep you off your feet. I know, it sounds like a fucking fairytale. Understanding your worth open doors you didn’t know NEEDED to be open: you love yourself more, the way you carry yourself changes, and ultimately, you will attractive the right energy because you understand your worth. This is not an easy task because of the simply fact that life keeps moving forward regardless of the setbacks in your life. I have mostly come around to the idea that I want a family but since I’ve been slowly realizing my worth, I can’t seem to find a guy I like right now. Time is ticking.
I learned it REALLY isn’t me. I know we’ve all either been told this or heard the phrase ” It’s not you, it’s me.” I know people say it as a way to try not to hurt the person they are telling this to feelings, but sometimes that phrase is ACCURATE! You right, it ain’t me…. YOU got issues! People think happiness is in the form of society and that’s incorrect: happiness is a mental journey that only stops in the grave. Materialistic items, money, and even people will never truly give you the happiness you crave. Just browsing on the internet you can see the unhappiness across the world. So what makes you think that just because you are giving someone your all, they won’t still do you wrong. It’s not you hun, it’s them: people don’t realize the internal hurt that makes their character the way it is. Don’t beat yourself up and question yourself because the person you wanted to be with decided that they weren’t going to be fully on board. Their decision is not your fault and it doesn’t make you ANY less of a potential partner for another. Try again with love!
I learned that I should come out of my shell more often. The main problem I’ve noticed I had with my “experiences” was that the communication was always off. Now, I am a chatterbox BUT only if YOU initiate the conversation. Growing up I was shy and quiet: when I did start talking, I was annoying. So from teenaged years till now I only talk when I am being spoken to; something the “experiences” in my life did not like. I’d get complaints that I never call or text first, I’m always flopping, and I make time for my friends but never them. ALL ONE HUNDRED PERCENT TRUE! I do not call or text first, when I did that during my early years the men would be mad disrespectful so I stop that; if you want to holla at me, you’re going to have to make the moves. I do flop 90% of the time; I AM SHY ASF! I am not fully satisfied with my appearance and men are a different species to me, so naturally I’m not good with encounters. I do realize now that I need to be more open into seeing where the relationship could go, rather than waiting for the shit to hit the fan. I need to be more interactive with the next partner I have so they can truly see what I have to bring to the table. I had some maturing to do because I didn’t really take any of my experiences seriously until the last few. Even then, I still held back because of the safety of my shell; can’t trust people.
This is my most important lesson: DO NOT SECOND GUESS YOURSELF! 9/10 I’ve been right about every odd/bad feeling I had about the person I was “talking” to. I’ve always tried to be the one to give people the benefit of the doubt but I learned real quick that I just might be psychic. I’ve had people debunk everything I had to say about someone because they swore they were a good person; SIKE, that dude is the devil’s spawn sis. Trust your gut. I could always tell where the relationship was going because I’m TOO perceptive. If you read my “about me” you already know that I’m a science geek; I want to go to school for psychology so you can’t pull the wool over my eyes. Problem is, my heart is too big. I try my hardest not to treat people the way they constantly treat me and that’s why I should have followed this lesson more closely. Second guessing myself led me to deal with bullshit that I didn’t have to deal with if I had just trusted my instincts.
Last but never least: SILENCE IS KEY! This lesson is the only lesson that I’ve truly used in EVERY single experience that I’ve had. No more long talking; that back and forth bickering, throwing things, sad songs, tears on your pillows, and tit-for-tat shit is OVER! Repeating yourself constantly only for them to get it right for a day then go back to treating you like shit is bullshit. Stop talking and start doing. When I realize that the situationship wasn’t going anywhere, I left. I’d send them one final message and end it with “Have a good life,” my way of sending blessings your way but letting you know that you will 98% likely never hear from me again. It makes no sense for you to continue to explain to someone how you should be treated, if they didn’t get the memo already then it’s time for you to leave them alone. Understand this, you don’t need to tell someone who truly cares about you how you should be treated, they already know.