My first interaction was not my choosing, my baby sitter was the first girl to ever “hit” on me. I use quotations because it wasn’t appropriate at the time; I was a child. I assume this is why I subconsciously developed a crush on Asians.
My first REAL encounter was with a female who used to live near me; T. We started as friends but I had no idea she was like that. She came onto me and I denied it. She kept trying, eventually more forcefully and we ended up fooling around because I couldn’t deal with it anymore. She tried again, still wasn’t down for it but I gave in and we exchanged oral favors in a parking lot between two cars. Not one of my finest moments but I was thirteen and impressionable; first and last time I ever gave a girl head.
My next encounter was with the female you guys have already heard about in my post about being catfished and being a catfish; Dee. She was my first “relationship”; again I use quotations because I don’t really consider us to have been in a realistic relationship because all we did was talk on the phone and fool around. Seems kind of like a fuck buddy to me. Oh well.
My final encounter was weirdly my best. It went from her trying to talk to me to us becoming closer in which we thought was intimately until we figured out it was more so us becoming best friends. My sweet melly. I met Melissa randomly when I followed a few friends to a rave. Super cool white girl who posed in magazines for the LGBT community in Canada: she was beautiful. Most gorgeous blue eyes I’ve ever seen in front of me. We hit it off that night because we bonded over all the songs we could sing word for word that played that night. Two drunk strangers singing loudly, smoking loud, and having a blast! We exchanged numbers and she ended up inviting me to a house party she was throwing at her house in Windsor. SICKEST FUCKING PARTY I’VE EVER WENT TO – TO DATE!! She had bowls FILLED with weed with little scoopers to pick it up to roll with, she had every type of alcohol, arcade game machines, cotton candy and popcorn machines, she had video games, a HUGE ASS JUMBOTRON TV, and not to mention the décor of the house was RIDCULIOUS! Shorty was clearly loaded! ON top of that we were in a mini house, her parents actual house was on the same property just up a hill. They built that mini house for her when she was younger so when she was older she had a place to chill by herself if she wanted. Lucky ass hoe! lol I partied hard that night, we ended up alone in her room, and she change my views on how the body works. I didn’t think my body could do shit she made it do. That’s when I learned when it’s a good, I twitch… like exorcist twitch! ROFL! We woke up the next day and it was like nothing happened. That was the first and last time we ever did anything physical. The days turned to weeks and the weeks turned to months, I really fucked with this girl. She was smart, inspiring, and always made me feel special actually. I don’t do “best friends” but if I were to call anyone that, it would be her. When I found out she passed away, I could have sworn my heart stopped.
I know I haven’t made the best decisions or I haven’t gone through the best parts of life but at the end of the day everything has been a lesson to learn. I learned that if I have children I will be EXTREMELY cautious of who I leave them with, I learned that even females can rape you, I’ve learned that when you’re thinking that trying the other team is better: it’s not, and I also learned never to take things for granted. The hard question has always been: Am I apart of the community? I don’t believe I am because I just can’t see myself with a female for the rest of my life but that doesn’t mean I can’t admire the female form in it’s beauty. Woman are beautiful and I admire just that. Just the way I admire men, I can look at both sexes and see the beauty and desire for either or. I just know I want a husband. Nonetheless, these were lessons I needed to learn and I’m still thankful. I know all the church folks gonna be shocked and salty about this post but like I said before, this is my truth. God is the only judge and he already knew all of this. All have come short of the glory of God but all can be forgiven. Amun.