October, 10, 2020 [12:15am]
I can’t sleep because all I can think about is all the things I didn’t say. All the times I should have told people to go fuck themselves and the times I should have cut ties with certain people. I’m also lying awake thinking about my friend Melly aka Melissa. One of the most down to earth people I’ve met on this planet and I wish I could talk to her about some of my thoughts right now. Type of girl to always push you in a better direction regardless of how stubborn you are. That was my main hoe man! Losing her was horrid. She’s the one person who really made me stop giving a fuck about what people had to say about me. Made me develop the idea that I AM the f****** shit. Whoever didn’t think so, could suck the **** I didn’t have. PERIOD. I want to ask her if I’m making the right decision about certain things. I want to know lowkey if she’s happy I don’t take no shit no more. So many great times; especially seeing as she was a lesbian, everyone thought we were together. BOYYYYY there were a few females who were BIG mad whenever I’d come around. Same thing I tell females now when they see me with their man and he’s my homie, REMEMBER BOO-BOO: I am going to be gang whether you are here or not, so worry about how long you going to be around for rather than who I am.
I am fully yawning as I type this, but the sleep isn’t fully here. Life is just a whirlwind right now. I’ve had two dreams in a row about the guy who took my virginity. Why? No clue! I’m being told I should think about visiting a guy OT. They may say the libido declines with age but your girl is in need of some attention; loving attention. I’m down right now because of all the money I’ve put into getting my car full legit and on road. Either way, I’m going to do what’s best for me now. I’ve followed the golden rule as best as I can but now, forget being nice to people who only give a fuck about themselves.
Peep shit, take notes, fall back, and move different.~ Fabolous
[Bee signed out]